Many of us who have been dealt a painful blow recently with a sibling or parent or spouse or friend who moved on to another spiritual realm. Their faces and voices and personalities continue to influence our thinking and color our day as we move onward with their memory fresh in our heart.
It has been 2 months since my brother Tony died, unexpectedly. A few weeks prior, he had told my sister Janie that when he arrived in heaven he was going to look up, right away, his mom and pop and brother. And I bet they have already welcomed him with open arms. I am wondering now about our oldest brother who was also named Antonio, the first born. And now we have both the first and last born with the same name in our heavenly family. Maybe little Tony will ask them to call him by his nickname, T-Bone!
I have certainly felt a change, again, in my demeanor and in what I want to accomplish and how I want to live my life. My stunning awakening came when I first experienced my colorectal cancer in 2002 and then again in 2006 with my non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I chose to retire earlier than I had planned and then recorded a music CD and worked with more vigor and purpose on my memoir. This time, I am again at a crossroads, rethinking how I am spending my time and what is next on my personal agenda.
Every time we experience a personal and intimate loss, we are forced to reevaluate ourselves and who we are and who we are becoming and more importantly, WHY we are pursuing some of the current projects and dreams. Do they really define us at the core? Do we derive the pleasure and stimulation we had anticipated? Is this of benefit to me and those around me? What else is left for me to do? Who needs my support?
I suspect many of us have yet to answer all of those questions. I have not. We are still pondering our being and searching for more clarity to our life journey as we continue to move forward.
Perhaps one way to seek some peace and consolation is to recall those vivid and endearing memories that in fleeting moments tickle our mind and brush up against our heart. It can certainly be uplifting to lean on those beautiful memories of our loved ones. They nourish our soul and bring a smile to our face.